I graduated from high school after dealing with a Colitis flare-up earlier that Spring. My face was bloated and bright red with acne – matching the color of the tie I wore for graduation. My body looked the same. That Spring I had been on high doses of Prednisone and the effects certainly showed in my graduation pictures. I loathed going to friends’ graduation parties when I didn’t look or feel like myself. Everyone possessed the sense of freedom of completing high school and going off to college that every 18 year has, except for me: I was trapped by a disease and medication and my only hope was that three months down the road when I arrived on my college campus, I would look and feel like my new classmates.
When I wasn’t flaring up, Colitis still roamed the back of my mind and impacted the decisions that I had to make: What colleges should I apply to? Which one should I attend? “I really like this one, but there isn’t a good medical center nearby in case I flare up” and “This college is alright, but it has a strong medical center” were the answers that my parent and I responded with even before I received responses to my applications. Like I said before, unlike everyone else my age, I appeared trapped by a disease.
Reflections…
There were two occassions that I remember vividly from the Spring of my Senior year in high school when I was flaring up. During the school day when I would feel the cramping start, I would drive home and spend the next hour on the toilet because I could suffer in the privacy of my own home. Usually this would occur in the afternoon forcing me to miss classes. After missing my AP Biology class multiple times, my teacher approached me to inquire about the reason for this. As a high schooler, I was an extremely private person and rarely spoke with anyone about my disease. But for some reason, I decided to tell my teacher, afterall, she did teach AP Biology so she would understand, right? Well, to this day, I still don’t know if she did.
The second occassion I remember occured during baseball practice after school. In St. Louis, many of the early Spring baseball practices are inside because of the weather, as was the case on this day. I was catching one of the pitchers when I suddenly felt cramping. Right then I knew that I had to find the closest toilet. Turning to go to the bathroom, I yelled at my sister, who knew what I was suffering from, to finish catching for me (she was the backup catcher on the baseball team). I ran as quickly as I could stripping off my catcher’s mask and chest protector and squeezing my butt cheeks tightly to ensure I make it to the bathroom. Thank goodness the bathroom was unlocked as I sat there for 20 minutes, with my catcher’s shin guards still attached to my legs, passing blood and trying to relieve the cramping.
Role Reversal…
As an 18 year old finishing high school and going to college, it sucks having to deal with Crohn’s or Colitis on a daily basis – whether you’re flaring up or not, it’s always part of who you are. It’s difficult to open up to people about the disease (I still have issues and my story has been broadcast in newspapers across the Southeast) because you feel so alone in your suffering. I realized that Colitis may limit me in some ways relative to other people my age, but suffering from it made me a smarter, more experienced and more responsible person. The disease isn’t what sets you apart from other people. What sets you apart is having to overcome daily obstacles and climb mountains that other haven’t in order to get to where you are. And that’s what people will remember about you.
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